I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
