I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
