you have to choose: penises or morals?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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