Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
