overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
