she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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