I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
