Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
