she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
pray to the hookup gods
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
