I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
