Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
