The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
