Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
