I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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