I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
