I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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