i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
