Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
