I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
