He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
