Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
