You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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