I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
