i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
