Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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