Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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