She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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