You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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