sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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