I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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