I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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