Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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