If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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