Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
