you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
