3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
