isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
