It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
