Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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