Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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