I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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