girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
