I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
