can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
