I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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