Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
