We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
