when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I want is dick and wine.
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