If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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