i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
